Holding on…

They walked out of the bar drunk. While walking down the road holding her hand, on the dark winter night –
I kept my promise, he said.
Is this all because of the promise I asked for? You aren’t being yourself all this while? She questioned.
I didn’t think much, I was too busy getting drunk and dancing with you.
Haven’t seen you dancing this crazy for a while now. What happened today?
I’m trying to let go of my fears, it feels great from inside, you should try too, he said, let’s go somewhere?
I only made a plan for today after you agreeing not to have an after party, she raised her voice.

Ikr, alcohol makes us volatile and makes us do things which we always wanted to when sober. Probably we can go somewhere else too! He said.

Alcohol makes you a crazy and a fearless person, she stated.
“A drunk mind speaks a sober heart”, he quoted.
This is the problem with you, you will never accept anything I say.
It’s never like that baby-
Okay, tell me this- have you ever stopped drinking in the night and leave some bottles for the next day? She questioned.
While he is sincerely trying to recall…
She said, In fact you go out late nights or early mornings to get the booze, she proclaimed.
Yeah, I’m thirsty for alcohol, he winked.
You are indeed, I think you spend more time and have high priority with alcohol in your life than me, she exclaimed.
Nooo! okay lets book a cab, he said while on phone.
I know you want to party now and I don’t want to be a bitch and stop you, she screamed.
Don’t shout, we are on the road and police is around, he tried to tell her while booking a cab.
You will never let me express my feelings. It’s not always possible to be near a bedroom to express myself. And bedroom is not the only place to express all my emotions. I feel irritated right now on this fucking road and I can’t hold this until we reach our fucking room to discuss – you better get this into your dumdass head.
He is out of words and begged her not to create a scene.
Cab is booked, he said.
You will fucking never listen to me, she said and started walking in the opposite direction towards the bar they came out from while trying to book a cab for herself.
He started loud whispers calling her and ran behind her.
Don’t follow me, I’ll call the cops, she said.
Please let’s go home and talk, he begged.
I’m going home, you go and fucking drink all night. I don’t care. Give me the fucking keys she said.
I never said I’m interested in drinking now. We can go for walk on the tank band he said.
She fake laughed heavily and said, don’t try to be a different person. Be you.
Meanwhile the cab he booked arrived.
He begged and convinced her to get into the cab.
She rolled the windows down, smoked a cigarette and felt the air while they are on the Durgam Cheruvu Cable Bridge.
They didn’t talk to each other until they are in the bedroom.
I’m sorry, he said while removing his underwear.
One thing, just one fucking thing I’ve asked you. Not to have a fucking fight with me this night. I know it’s my foolishness to ask you that. It’s enough and I’m done for this life with you. Lets end all this, she said while removing her bra.
I’m really sorry. I know this is really frustrating for both of us. Let’s take a break and go on a sober vacation, he said.
We have been trying all this for an years now, and nothing helps. It’s high time to understand that its not working out for both of us and move on. Yes, it doesn’t feel the same after this, but we have to accept things and not force ourselves on each other.
Please, don’t say that, let’s talk tomorrow without this hangover and decide things for us.
No, there’s nothing to talk. This is it, she screamed.
He tried to hold her.
If you come close, I’ll leave the fucking house now, she warned.
He said, “OKAY” and turned off the light.
He thought it’s like any other drunken night and spanked her while she’s making coffee next morning.
Don’t dare to touch me, she said, it’s all over last night. I think it will take sometime for me to sort out things and move out of the house. That doesn’t mean I’m fine or everything is fine between us. Lets stick to what we have decided last night.
I didn’t agree to anything last night, I was trying to make a conversation but that didn’t happen, he said.
As you said, I’m letting go of my biggest fear of loosing you from my life now. I can’t stand you anymore.
I know you can’t stand me now, but there’s something I want to tell you. I love you! You mean so much to me, Yes we have our shit to deal with in life. I don’t go too far and say I’ll quit alcohol for you nor I’d accept you are lesser than alcohol in my life. We both have issues which triggers anything and everything between us. We are volatile even when sober. But I’ve something to say, it’s really impossible for us to start over again in this lifetime but we can always have a new beginning. Just think about it, if we were able to manage not to fight until we are walking down the street, we can always walk in the same winter night holding each other’s hand and not fight until we reach home have great sex and sleep. I’m not just hoping for that day, I’m ready to work in making things workout between us until that day and beyond. I can never let you go, he said.

She walked towards him and said, I agree you are trying to let go of your fears to become crazy and fearless even when sober! Why is that letting me go isn’t your fear?

Because, you have become a part of me. My thoughts, feelings, success, failure and everything else also have you in them. We have grown together in life. You can never get out my system. And I know it’s the same for you. This is very known. I fail to understand, under these circumstances how can anyone fear for this, he said, I’m sure letting me go isn’t your fear too. The actual fear is of the vacuum which will be created if we breakup. That’s the fear of unknown.

Do you think someday we will make it to great sex and sleep without fighting? She questions.

I will keep trying all my life for that and will never give up. Because you are the most beautiful thing that happened to me, he said.

She comes close and hug him while the tears roll down.
Great sex ends all chaos, lets end this now, he says.
She kisses him and asks where are we going tonight?
Tank band he says while undressing her.
She laughs while going down on him…
I want to die like this, getting a head from you, if I can choose my death he says moaning in pleasure.